Waking up in 2014 requires a decision to solve the problems of the world beginning with our family and us. I met with a college administrator yesterday and she said they were being prepared for the newest generation Z to enter school this semester, known as those who want everything now. This is a huge problem of frustration that has taken several generations to develop in our society.
A big influence on now thinking is modern technology with instant everything, it is also about teaching children basic responsibility and life skills. As a society we have created young people who expect everything to be handed to them without responsibility for creating what they want.
The quality of education and services has gone down tremendously for over four decades. Standards of life have slacked off so bad that everything is falling apart in the world. People are busy pointing fingers and blaming instead of knowing how to stand up and make healthy changes that work.
Co-dependence and addiction of all things and behaviors is at an all time high as a way of coping. Parents are afraid to say no to their children, and allow unsafe and bad behavior and follow their requests at everyone’s peril. The fear is if we guide children and give them boundaries they may leave us.
As a parent, my fear was if I did not set good boundaries and teach my children valuing self and others, they would be lost. It was risky and not easy and yet it was what I knew was my more important job. Despite this my daughters were my friends and I was always the mother. I did not say no because of ego or control. I understood and tolerated normal rebellion, and when I said no it was because they needed to stop and learn their own inner knowing. It was far from easy.
In raising them I helped them develop their will, and I knew this was important to give them good understanding of their own individuality, choices and wisdom. I worried less and encouraged more and knew that they would learn by living instead of me telling them what to do or not do all the time. They proved me right more than not and became strong young women.
Our problems with parenting began with many generations calling the will a bad thing in a child or person. Parents thought their job was to tell kids what to do, think and feel. This practice stripped us of our confidence, and taught us to obey even when it was against us, and instead be good and follow society’s or family rules.
More recently parents have been trying different ways to evolve and support and change the earlier parents ways. Unfortunately the pendulum has gone to spoiling and not setting boundaries or teaching being responsible at all. What I realized is that parents first must learn to parent themselves where their parenting was unbalanced.
PARENTS NEED GROWING UP TOO.
In a healthy society, children sign up for a parent who cares enough, and loves them enough, to teach them how to take care of themselves safely. This requires parents to grow up and be responsible as well.
In our home there was kicking and screaming and wanting to run away a few times, and I needed to be strong and pay attention to what they needed to learn and also what I needed to change and learn as well. I was less concerned if my girls liked me than if their needs were being met.
My ex-husband and I worked hard and had abundant money and yet we gave the girls a budget and encouraged them to work for what they wanted as soon as they could. They learned to value everything and learned about people and how the world works too.
We were always a team as parents even when we divorced, and when the girls tried to play us against each other, we called the other parent, instead of being the child with them.
In my personal healing journey I have worked through my sixty-two years of being alive and saw the mistakes I made. I looked at my parents life as well and realized we are all wounded parents raising wounded children doing the best we know how.
I grew up with my children, and kept learning and making better aligned choices for them and myself. It is a process of evolving, healing and learning that never ends for all of us.
IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO PARENT, OR GROW UP
Parents are doing for their children and giving them everything today more than ever. When they go to college and work they do not know how to earn their way and to figure it all out.
They want it their way now and make demands, hurl abuse and make excuses expecting others to tolerate this behavior. I have heard this from more than one college professional and employer.
People are lost and very angry and rebellious into their adulthood because they do not have the skills needed to cope and thrive in the world. They want everything to go their way without regard to the other people and circumstances that make up society. Blaming others occurs when you are not responsible and do not know how to do and be for yourself.
Over parenting and over soliciting is evident in children as a block as well. A child cannot sneeze or have a thought or action without going to the doctor or taking herbs and such or being psychoanalyzed or coddled. Hovering over each breath of the child so they do not have room to breathe chokes them into resentment.
Parents’ wonder why children rebel, one reason is because they do not want you to live through them; they need to learn to live well on their own and chose their own direction without worry of your judgment or expectations. Working parents may give too much to make up for being away, and stay at home parent’s hover and control and give too much too.
Love you enough to see where you can focus on raising your child to be self-sustaining and able to make healthy choices for themselves. Giving too much or doing it for them creates an imbalance and they know it. They feel helpless and angry.
Children resent a lack of courage and awareness to support their growth, and want you to stand up to them when they are hurting self and others. Fear of losing them will come true because they resent you for not supporting their individuality and need for their own experience to learn to run in their own direction. Or you may lose them to drugs or other escapes when they cannot cope with life and self.
Parenting and life are not easy and yet by you growing up, your children grow up too. Love everyone enough to sit back and see where you need to pay attention. Our world depends on the children of today who will be tomorrow’s leaders.
IT ALL BEGINS WITH LOVE
Raise children and you to be loving responsible people with your own unique gifts and strengths. Do not do their homework or make excuses for them, or you. Encourage them to succeed and allow them to fail so that they learn how to adapt and grow and succeed in the future.
Love them enough to pay attention when they hurl abuses on you. Maybe there is something in you that needs to grow up and change as well.
Loving your children begins with loving and knowing you. You teach by how you live. Your children will learn from how you are in relationship with others, and how you take care of you. They will either follow or do the opposite, and be mad at you if you do not give them a healthy example.
The best parenting is to support your child’s learning and growth by giving them a wide berth and responding when they give you feedback of their needs through anger, as well as love.
Love everyone enough to learn and change no matter the age. It is never too late for all of us to grow up and live happy, healthy and free.
Life is a journey of learning. Never give up on opportunities to make significant changes that will change your life and the world. When each person wakes up to their best self and lives it, the affect on many is significant.
“The best way to live the innocence of a child is to be a grown up first.” JSA
PS. My oldest daughter called me after she left home at the age of twenty and said, “Mom, I do not know how you put up with me. Thank You for letting me live. I would not have.” She was correct, she was the most challenging person in my life everyday, and that phone call was worth it all. My daughters have been my greatest teachers and helped me with my journey all the way.
May you find blessings and grace as we all grow up together.
Enjoy the Journey,
Be The Medicine, Live the Power of You!
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